Day 5 post failed suicide attempt – Ritalin to assist with High-functioning Autistic Savant Syndrome

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Rise

Rise against the dying of the light…

On the 5th day in the Psychiatric Hospital I was about to test medication called Ritalin.

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Ritalin (methylphenidate) is a nervous system stimulant that’s commonly used to treat ADHD in adults and children.

It’s a brand-name prescription medication that targets dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain to reduce common ADHD symptoms.

Though Ritalin is a stimulant, when used in ADHD treatment, it may help with concentration, fidgeting, attention, and listening skills.

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I have been using 4 types of medication during my stay at the Hospital up to now, so this will be number 5:

  1. Sleeping pills (strong)
  2. Anti-depressant
  3. Anti-psychotic
  4. Painkillers (strong)
  5. Ritalin (New!)

The Psychiatrist instructed the nurse to give me the fast acting Ritalin just after breakfast and I had to pay attention (no pun intended) to what effects I felt. Did I feel anything different?

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Lance Armstrong used performance enhancers in his quest to win the Tour de France 7 times. He still had to train extremely hard, and the stuff he took merely ‘enhanced’ his performance.

Ritalin was the performance enhancer I never knew I always needed. Now, I have always been a very perceptive person:

  • I would memorize everything, everywhere, constantly.
  • I would use ALL my senses to navigate through the world.
  • I would be on high alert every waking moment.
  • I would think, over-think, analyze and over-analyze everything.
  • I would asses and scrutinize small changes in mood, facial expression, body language and eye-movement when I was having a conversation, trying to figure out what the person’s intentions were in order to act appropriately on all the social cues I had to map and adhere to in order not to stand out.
  • I would start to anticipate people’s next moves, or next words or next thoughts to such a point where people became predictable in their behavior.
  • All of this DRAINED me mentally and emotionally…

Which led to my Autistic burnout and an attempt on my life by myself…

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The strange thing is I was under the impression that everyone did this in their minds. The Psychiatrist assured me that none of the normal people did this. I was surprised…

So when the Ritalin started to take effect I felt an immediate sense of relief. I had a calm mind, I had a focused mind, I felt stable, I enjoyed the intensity of my mental application. The dedicated focus and the control I had over my thoughts. Ritalin changed my Life!!!

I was on top of the world!!!!!!!!!!

By anonymousgods

High-Functioning Autistic Savant with co-morbid ADHD and OCPD

2 comments

  1. What does it feel like to be on Ritalin for the first time? Was it an immediate realization that something was different?
    One of my children was prescribed Ritalin way back maybe 8 years ago and I refused it concerned that Ritalin had side effects that could be harmful.

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    1. Hi, it was magical! I have always been inundated with sensory stimuli every waking moment of my life. I would pick up any sound, any movement, any smell, every social cue. I would map to my memory bank to determine its location, purpose and try to adjust my response to mirror the appropriate response. The day I took Ritalin it was like a major relief to not have to focus on everything put only on that which was in front of me. It helped me to drown out background noises, I could complete thought processes and I felt mentally energized but also relaxed. It is as if my mental resources could now be applied where I wanted to and not be scattered to try and absorb and analyze everything. It is by far the best waking feeling I’ve experienced and I will be using this ‘performance enhancer’ daily going forward. I am now on the slow release version which lasts between 10-12 hours.

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