Nurse take blood pressure.
Nurse informs me that the Psychiatrist will only visit later that morning so I decide to take stock of the first week in this very interesting place called: Psychiatric Hospital.
The 3 gentlemen sharing my room with me has different reasons why they find themselves in this place.
Guy 1: Mid-thirties. I noticed him first when I entered the room last Sunday. Quiet, reserved, mentally occupied, does not make eye contact, watches movies on his laptop the entire time. I overheard people talking about him during meals, apparently he lost his wife recently and struggled to cope with the loss. He is being treated for depression and is receiving trauma counseling. When people die it is tough for the ones left behind…
Guy 2: Sixties. Grey, skinny, odd demeanor like an apologetic state of being. He is addicted to pain killers and has dementia. Keeps on packing his suitcase and heads toward the front door to go home. No idea why he is there. Its his last day today, he is going to stay at his daughter’s place according to the nurse.
Guy 3: Early twenties. Oily hair, smells like an ashtray, curses a lot, talks non-stop. He has multiple cuts on his forearms – self inflicted. He has ADHD and depression and is an alcoholic. He cuts himself to ‘feel’ something. His family is rich and his mom phones him twice a day. He told us all his life story, a couple of times. He seems to think being a rebel and a rule-breaker is something to boast about.
I wonder what they think when they look at me?
Suicide Guy: quiet, talks to no-one, reads all the time, eats alone, no eye contact, no interaction with anyone, does not attend group sessions, does not attend arts & craft sessions, never attend the support group chats, seems preoccupied, makes his bed even when the nurse tells him that he doesn’t have to, keeps his area neat and clean, keeps himself neat and clean.
The Psychiatrist meets me just after lunch. We start talking about how I feel with the medication. I confirm that there is less darkness and heaviness in my mind. I love being able to focus during the day. I do not feel tired.
He asks me about an observation the Psychologist made: I present with signs of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. Would I mind to read up on it and tell him next day if I recognize myself?
I accept and he leaves.
The Psychologist arrives. We start talking about my adult life. I was married twice, got divorced twice, I have 2 daughters – one with each of my previous wives. I have a neutral relationship with both exes, which serves in the best interest of my daughters. I am a great dad. I have worked in various industries. I have lived in more that 60 houses over 4 decades. I have lost a lot of money and I have made a lot of money. I have been rich and I have been poor. I have no friends, but I am always the life of a party at work. We talk about Borderline Personality Disorder. I still don’t see it. I have a very stoic outlook on life, and optimistic and zen. I am well spoken and have a rather high intellect. I am extremely creative but also very analytical. I am complex. He says I should take the next day off and not think about anything that happened recently.
He leaves and I have a cup of coffee.
I take my medicine and wait to fall asleep.
Take the day off? What does he mean? And as I try to overthink and over-analyze what he said I fall into a deep sleep….