Being on the Autism Spectrum makes it difficult for me to communicate, also, English is my second language… So I use Grammarly!
No Nurse to check my blood pressure due to the fact that I slept in my own bed. I turn around and decide to sleep for another hour or so…
In 4 decades I have never had the privilege to do this since my Fight or Flight response has always been ON. This means that Adrenalin and Cortisol was pumping through my veins continuously. I experienced everything as a threat, without being aware that I did.
The fight or flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening. The perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee. These responses are evolutionary adaptations to increase chances of survival in threatening situations. Overly frequent, intense, or inappropriate activation of the fight or flight response is implicated in a range of clinical conditions including most anxiety disorders. A helpful part of treatment for anxiety is an improved understanding of the purpose and function of the fight or flight response.https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/fight-or-flight-response/
I wake up and make myself a cup of coffee. I have double cream yogurt with cinnamon and sugar sprinkled on top. This is to prepare my stomach lining for all the medication I need to take.
My chronic medication list:
7:00 – Contramyl XR for ADHD (methylphenidate hydrochloride)
19:00 – Serdep for Autism / OCPD / Anxiety / Depression symptoms (Sertraline)
22:00 – Dopaquel for Autism / OCPD / Anxiety / Depression symptoms (Quetiapine)
I go outside to feed our Klee Kai and sit with him on the lawn while I finish my coffee.
I am very lucky to have found this mini-Husky 🙂
I remember when I went to the animal shelter and entered the enclosure where he was housed. He was depressed and was just lying in the dog box when I entered the gate. I called him over to me and when our eyes locked I felt a connection! A flash of connecting with his soul!
He jumped up and ran towards me and tackled me to the ground licking my face over and over again, match made in heaven 🙂 That day we bonded, he linked with me and I with him, such a cool dog!
We named him ALASKA to pay homage to where he came from, I think its a strong name.
I have a shower and look at the scar on my wrist. My cesarean scar. My sign of being reborn. My reminder of a second chance. My new Life!
I finish my shower and get dressed.
My daughter wakes up and we have breakfast. She informs me that she has some school work to do and that she will check in on me every hour or so to see if I need anything.
I assure her that, no, I will check in on HER and make sure that she is okay. We both smile.
I have been divorced for 5 years at this point and was more than happy to live life on my own. So it was just me and her living here. I enjoy being a Dad and now that I ‘met’ my real self I was looking forward to my new adventure.
I do however feel guilty that she did not see an example of a happy couple in her own life but I did my best to give her hope that relationships are wonderful and she should pursue a partner whenever she is ready. A buddy for life if you will 🙂
She does her school work and I spend time around the house tending to all the activities that I didn’t tend to whilst in hospital for 2 weeks. I check some messages on my phone but I prefer not be caught up in the digital world yet…
I love the second law of Thermodynamics: Entropy.
ENTROPY: gradual decline into disorder.https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/
I recite the following sentence at least once a week:
“Over time things fall apart if you don’t maintain it.”
We enjoy a light lunch and I do not feel the need to discuss the events of the last two weeks with my daughter. I feel that she will ask me when she is ready.
The afternoon was calm and at dusk we go for a walk with Alaska.
We settle in front of the television to watch a movie and at 21:00 she goes to bed.
I take a shower, take my medication and get into bed.
It is Sunday today, so tomorrow I have to go back to work. I am ready…
I close my eyes and drift off into a undiscovered dream world 🙂
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