How Do You Date Neurodivergent People?

Have you ever thought about dating a neurodivergent person? Or are you someone who wants to date someone neurodivergent but doesn’t know how? Here are some tips!

               1. Recognize that neurodivergence can be fluid.

While many people think of autism as a binary – either they have it, or they don’t – there are actually many different forms of autism. This means that if you’re looking for an autistic partner, the odds aren’t necessarily stacked against you because your desired form of neurodiversity is rare. You might be surprised at how many people actually fit what you’re looking for. However, this also means that if you go into dating expecting every single person to be the same, you’ll be sorely mistaken and might give up quickly.

               2. Be willing to check your preconceptions at the door.

Neurodivergence isn’t just about autism – it encompasses a wide range of issues that can manifest themselves in different ways depending on the person and their environment. For example, someone may actually be neurodivergent but not aware of it because their symptoms are mild or because they’ve been so heavily medicated, or misdiagnosed with another disorder, that their symptoms have been artificially suppressed. Or maybe they’re emotionally unstable without knowing why. The point is: don’t expect anyone to “look” neurodivergent if they aren’t aware of their own issues and/or haven’t been diagnosed.

               3. Don’t expect everything to be smooth sailing.

Neurodivergence isn’t something that can be easily medicated away, nor is medication always an option. This means there are certain things you’re going to have to deal with throughout your relationship that other neurotypical people wouldn’t have to deal with – or might not even believe exists in the first place! So call them out if they make misinformed statements about mental illness without knowing any better, and try not to take it personally if they lash out at you. Remember, this is their way of expressing themselves, not a personal attack on you or anything you’ve said/done!

               4. If nothing else works, remember: it’s not your fault.

Neurodivergence is a very touchy subject because it’s still so misunderstood and taboo in society – even amongst neurotypical people! I know, from personal experience, that dating someone with autism can be difficult, but remember: if they’ve opened themselves up to you like this, then they must see something positive in you. It’s okay for relationships to end – especially if one person doesn’t feel like their needs/interests are being met. You may simply not be the right match, and that has nothing to do with anything wrong with either of you. As long as everyone treats each other respectfully and works towards a better understanding of neurodiversity (for both yourself and others), there will come a time when you’ll be able to date safely and respectfully.

Neurodivergence is a fundamental part of who we are – whether we’re aware of it or not, and whether we like it or not. We all deserve love and respect for exactly who we are, neurodivergent or otherwise. If that’s really what you want, then go ahead! Date us! As long as both people in the relationship are willing to work through their issues together, anything is possible. I believe in you.

Can Two Neurodivergent People Love Each Other?

Perhaps the most difficult thing we must overcome is our own neurodivergence.

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           It’s as if some people are trying to shield themselves from relationships by erecting walls around them, and everyone else has some sort of radar that locks onto those with neurodivergent conditions like autism or bipolar disorder.

           People with disabilities often don’t want to feel like a burden to their loved ones, and they find it hard to trust anyone enough to share their deepest secrets, but how can someone who isn’t on the same page as you connect deeply enough for a real relationship?

           They need love too… but can we give it? As we begin to understand what makes a difference, it becomes clear that this is an issue that must be addressed.

           “I don’t trust anyone,” said 19-year-old Katelyn Coppola, who is bipolar and autistic. “It’s hard to let people in when you never know what mood the person with Bipolar Disorder will be in.”

       Eventually, relationships can become very hard if not nearly impossible to manage without the right care and understanding.

           When dealing with autism or any other neurodivergence, it requires lots of patience and a willingness to go outside of your comfort zone to help someone connect with society better.

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           It’s one thing we all share: we’re not wired like everyone else… but does this mean we cannot learn how?  

           It’s a good thing to try, and the best way to figure out how is to put ourselves in a situation where we can actually show our neurodivergence.

           We must take off the mask of normalcy… it’s just not as easy as you’d think.

           “It’s exhausting being me,” said Stephen Phelps from San Diego, who was diagnosed with Aspergers at age nine. “I have no idea why this happens or where I’m sometimes going.”

       The first step towards getting better is learning how to be accountable for your own actions instead of letting someone else decide for us what we need… maybe they do know better than us, but should a doctor really know a person better than the person themselves?

           The answer is “it depends,” but when it comes to love, it’s important to be able to make our own decisions.

           When it comes down to it, you can’t expect someone else to understand your neurodivergence if you don’t even understand yourself.

       It takes time… and lots of hard work. If someone has accepted their own neurodivergence, then that is a great start in itself!

           Being open about who we are will not only help relationships along, but acceptance of ourselves so others can accept us too.

Autism in adulthood: What it does to your romantic relationships

Many high-functioning autistic adults are in romantic relationships, and as a result they experience the same relationship challenges that neurotypical people do. One major difference is that high-functioning autistics may not be able to express their emotions well or know what other people’s emotions are, which can lead to misunderstandings. This article will discuss how high functioning autism affects an adult’s romantic relationships.

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– high-functioning autism can make it difficult for an autistic adult to express their emotions well or know what other people’s emotions are, which leads to misunderstandings.

– high functioning autistics may not be able to read social cues as easily and they won’t be good at picking up on nonverbal communication like body language. This means that high functioning autistics often have trouble understanding when someone is trying to tell them something important, such as a warning about the safety of an activity.

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– some high functioning autistic adults will need time alone, while others crave more intimate contact with friends and partners than neurotypical persons do. High functioning autistics who require less intimacy in relationships might find themselves feeling isolated from everyone else and may withdraw.

– high functioning autistics have a high level of sensitivity to sensory stimuli and as a result they might be more affected by loud sounds, bright lights or strong smells than other people are.

– high functioning autistic adults experience relationship challenges much the same way that neurotypical people do; however, one significant difference is that high functioning autistics often lack social awareness and interpersonal skills because of their autism spectrum disorder. This means that high functioning autistics will need extra time outside of relationships for personal development so they can become better at reading subtle cues in others’ behavior and communicating effectively with them later on.

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Marriage

I have been married twice. I got divorced twice. I have 2 beautiful daughters, one with each ex. All of this happened before I received my diagnosis.

I am certain that if I had been aware of my condition earlier, that it would have gone differently, but, having gone through the darkness has taught me invaluable lessons.

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I am in a relationship now with a wonderful woman and she knows about my condition, accepts it and support me.

I think I got this now…but I do have to point out that it was hard on all my previous partners. But then again, I was not the same person back then, I am now myself.

Be yourself, only to such an extent that the world does not reject you entirely.

Remember, there are a lot of kind people in the world, if you cannot find one, be one.