Day 12 post failed suicide attempt – How I made money

5:00am

I wake up. Nurse takes my blood pressure.

Breakfast.

Shower.

I get dressed and make myself a cup of coffee. The Psychiatrist will only arrive at 10:00 so I decide to sit and review my career path. How did I make money?

Where did money come from?

The Origin of Money[ii]

There are three major theories regarding the origin of money:-

1 Money was created for trading purposes;

2 Money was created for social purposes;

3 Money was created for religious purposes.

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What is money?

Characteristics of Money

Money has three characteristics according to the economists:-

1 Means of Payment;

2 Unit of Account;

3 Store of Value.

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What is money really?

Money exists not by nature but by law[ix]

Aristotle, Greek Philosopher (384 BC – 322 BC)

Clearly in the 4th century BC, almost 2,500 years ago, Aristotle understood the nature of money. Money is not a commodity that is to be mined like gold or silver. Money is not a commodity to be farmed like wheat or barley. Money is not an animal like a cow or a goat. The nature of money is that it is a legal invention. Money is a creature of the law. The Greek name for money is ‘nomisma’, which is derived from ‘nomos’ meaning law or binding custom. Aristotle defined money as an abstract legal power, publicly controlled for the common good.

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MY so-called CAREER

So,

I have been working for just over 2 decades. I earned salaries and I followed the ‘normal’ path of the Consumer and I bought stuff. It was always confusing to me to figure out what money is and what it does. It confuses me?!

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I understand bartering, I also understand that when you create something you get rewarded for your time and effort, which kind of determines the value of said creation.

What I struggle with is that a Seller and a Buyer can decide what the ‘price’ is of anything they wish to transact over. So, to me, the price is not at all tied to the value, because it is subjective.

That’s how I figured out that my intrinsic value is not the same to two different employers. One may want to pay me $1000 per week and the other $2000 per week.

It depends on how much my skill set can help him increase the value of his offering and his ability to get a good price when selling it. I am just a product to my employer, and when I start asking for more money, he can just say no and if I then resign he can just replace me. I do not resign because my life has been set up in such a way that I need the salary to support my life, which I set up. So now I stay in a miserable job and I never get the salary I think I’m worth.

Mmmm……

Things are about to change:

Now that I have been given the gift of knowing how my mind works, I can figure out how to be more valuable and how to earn more money on my terms aligned with how much I value myself. I am a problem solver by nature and I just need to find a problem I can solve. Not just for one person, but for everyone.

I have been in the wrong positions my entire life!

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The Psychiatrist arrives and we discuss my epiphany regarding how strange money is to me. He advises me that people with my condition sometimes struggle with the concept and need help to assist them with realizing their potential. He confirms that I look rested, energized and focused today. Nice…

He leaves and I have a cup of tea.

Lunch

The Psychologist arrives at 14:00 and we discuss money and employment and careers. He pointed out that I need to really take a look at where I am now in life and decide whether it would be mentally stimulating to continue with my current career path. He also stated that it gets more difficult to change your career the older you get. Well, I feel very ‘young’ now that my new life has begun, so I will go and think about my strategy to either remain at the company I am working at right now, or to decide on a new path.

Our session ends and he leaves.

Dinner

Shower and coffee again.

“What am I doing with my life?” I think.

I need to start making money based on my value and skill set, not according to someone else’s value they assign to what I bring to the table, which is just modern slavery I guess.

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I start to read up on ‘How to make money’, ‘How to make money online’ and ‘Work from home’.

Wow, what a lot of false claims and smoke and mirrors and illusions and delusions of grandeur. And what on earth is Bitcoin?

I give up and decide to get some rest.

I take my medication, get into bed and think: “How do other people make money? Who will help me to make money?”

And I drift into darkness…

10 months post failed suicide attempt feedback to my Boss

Hi Boss

Just some feedback after my session with my Psychiatrist today:

Mastering High-Functioning Autistic Savant Syndrome with comorbid ADHD and OCPD

(I thought it apt to give a title to my journey 😊)

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Step 1 – Self Awareness (3-months)

I was tasked last year December to focus on Self-Awareness for the first three months of 2021.

My goal was to cultivate healthy Self-Awareness by:

  1. Creating space and time (connect with myself daily by avoiding digital distractions).
  2. Practicing mindfulness (pay attention to my inner state as it arises).
  3. Processing my thoughts through writing (journal my awareness).
  4. Practising to listen (Observe emotions and body language of people speaking to me).
  5. Gaining a different perspective (Ask for feedback from someone I trust).

My Dr was pleased with the results regarding my internal- and external awareness.

He is happy for me to take the next step in my quest to relate better to my new environment.

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Step 2 – Settle your Locus (3-months)

My next task is to settle my base.

I need to keep following and refining my current plan of:

  1. Following a zen lifestyle of simplicity and naturalness.
  2. Maintain and improve my close relationships.
  3. Keep following my physical training routine.
  4. Healthy balance between home and work.

In addition:

My focus at work needs to be on identifying what activities / position would stimulate my novelty seeking personality trait.

I present with a high mark on Exploratory Excitability subscale. I function better in a domain where my focus is to uncover new things, whereas repetitive actions tend to shut down my creativity and reward centre.

On the medication front we keep everything as it currently stands, no change needed.

In closing, I am doing very well and can just keep following this trajectory!

Thanks again for everything…

Take care

Autistic Savant syndrome – feedback to my Boss after 2 months back at work post my failed suicide attempt

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Hey Boss

I had my monthly session with my Psychiatrist today, here is some feedback just to keep you updated on my journey.

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I hope you don’t mind being the recipient, but it helps me understand my journey better if I ‘soundboard’ my experience 🙂

I also didn’t include the other GDs in this email since my interaction and exposure at work is mainly with you.

Happy if you want to share with them if you feel it will add value or context.

I am doing very well now, mentally and physically.

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There was only one afternoon this month where I could feel the medication working out at about 15:00, but I didn’t have meetings for the rest of that day, so the impact wasn’t that bad. Just felt fatigued mentally.

My dosage remains the same until December, so all good on that front.

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To Do List

My focus area (homework) for September is to read up on High Functioning Autistic Savant syndrome.

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It was revealed that I present with possible symptoms in the Spatial Skills (Map Making / Direction Finding), Art and Music replication categories of Savant syndrome, but without the difficulty of social interaction and isolation.

I excel at visual thinking and I also have enhanced perception of patterns and grouping processes as well as working memory.

I did the Raven’s Progressive Matrices IQ Test which measures fluid intelligence and achieved an IQ score of 147.

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This explains why I enjoyed dabbling in the data science linked to Telematics and its prediction models.

It also ties in with my problem-solving abilities which speaks to my Project Management skill set.

My Psychiatrist pointed out that I be mindful and tactful when sharing this newfound information with too many people. My humble intention for sharing may be misunderstood, and it can be mistaken for coming across as arrogant or narcissistic.

This misinterpretation would make it difficult for me to explain my excitement for sharing my mental gifts. Where I just feel obliged that it would be noble to apply my abilities to try and add value where I can, this aim may be lost in translation.

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So, I know I don’t have to ask, but please don’t share this with too many people seeing that I only present with the markers and haven’t been earmarked as someone with Savant syndrome yet.

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This new journey is unfolding at a controlled pace and I’m still processing all the information.

Thank you again for allowing me to find my path whilst trusting me with the Brand merge project, I am doing my best not to disappoint.

I do have a fantastic project team though, and they are doing a sterling job!

Please be patient with me if you note any delayed or confusing behaviour, I’m mindful of taking it one day at a time.

Take care

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Feedback about my Autism Spectrum Disorder to my Employer after 1 month back at work

Hi Group Directors

Today, I would just like to give you feedback after my first month back at work.

Firstly, thank you to each of you for the kindness shown and the acceptance of this new reality of mine. I have managed to not merely accept my spectrum profile but also embrace it.

Several personality attributes prevalent among those on the spectrum are valuable assets: capacities for analytical and “outside the box” thinking, creativity, attention to detail, the ability to focus intensely on a task for long periods of time.

I aim to apply these attributes to my work here.

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My unique diagnosis is, as you know:

I realized that I have ample reason to be proud of who I am, and with help from clinicians, I am busy winning my inner battle. The therapies and interventions they provide are essential, not because they aim to cure autism, as if it is merely a medical condition, but because they help me address challenges that stem from being autistic in a non-autistic world.

I met with my Psychiatrist this week and he was happy with my progress. My medication works very well, and we can keep the dosages as they are until December. I feel relieved, focused and ‘lighter’.

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I am grateful for being able to work on the Brand Integration project and I’m really enjoying it. I did however notice in the recordings of the meetings that my speech pattern is now at a normal speed due to the medication haha.

Also, I find I sometimes struggle to recall a specific word, similar to when you push down on the accelerator of a Mercedes, it’s like: “I’ll be with you in a second…aaaaand…there we go…”.

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The new me is still new to me in a way, and I am still taking it day by day while getting to know my new superpower.

Thank you again for everything!

Take care…

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